my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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