Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
