Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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