U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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