whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
