i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
