Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
false alarm. still invincible.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
