I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
