My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Too much gin, very little bucket
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
