I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
