I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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