Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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