you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
