u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
