I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think a kid would responsible me up
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
