Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
