They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
