There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
