Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
