Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
