my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
