There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
