You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
