Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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