roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
