Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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