Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was confusing and full of hummus
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
