Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
