All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
