it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
