fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
