i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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