so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
