in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
