I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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