party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
