I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Be still, my beating vagina.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
