In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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