I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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