what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
