I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
