I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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