I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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