He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
