Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
