Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
