If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
