why didn't you poke me back
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So much rum. So many feels.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
