So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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