I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
