omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
