so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
