I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
