i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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