am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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