so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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