My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
