She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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