Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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