i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
