i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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