i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
