so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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